I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
