operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
