Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
