i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
