hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
