I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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