Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he laminated a picture of his dick.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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