So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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