You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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