Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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