Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
