Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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