ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
