All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
