I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So here I am, sexting at work.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
