i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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