One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
