Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
