he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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