Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
