Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
