I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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