I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
