she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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