i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
