remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
