She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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