Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
