this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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