Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
