I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
