this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
