I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
