I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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