My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
