***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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