Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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