i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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