Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
