i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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