the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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