You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
