if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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