I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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