Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry hyball hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.

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(516): View more from New York

Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk

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(214): View more from Texas

Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic

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