Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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