Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
