Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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