halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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