I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
